I Am The Problem?

February 15, 2022

I am the problem? I am the problem…how could that possibly be true? This is how it came to pass that I figured it out. After my major fall, whenever it was, I have had physical difficulties, mostly to do with walking and balancing. I have been going to physical therapy for over two months, and I thought it was helping. It actually was… for a while. Well, yesterday they said that they were canceling me because I was getting worse not better. Recently I have regressed and have been unable to do a number of things that had been assigned to me. They said, at their physical therapy facility they could do nothing more for me. So, that was that. Circumstances in my life do not as a rule affect my happiness. I go along on my merry old way and watch what happens and react accordingly. I don’t try to rock the boat, but I forget that I can’t do what I am used to doing. Not too long ago I leaned against the refrigerator for balance, and someone asked me if I were all right. I said I could not walk. I pretty much had to be carried into my bedroom. There was no warning. It just happened. Yesterday my daughter-in-law said that she had not slept for five nights because she was so worried about me. She said I did not use my walker all the time, and I lifted things and did things I should not have done. I would take clean laundry into my room using my walker with only one hand. I told my daughter-in-law not to worry, that I was okay. I just wanted to be helpful. Anyway, she was really teed off at me, and I had tears in my eyes, not because I was sad, but because the people I love were blaming their frustration, anger and fear on me. I was not frustrated, angry or fearful. I was happy and told her to stop worrying. She said that would be impossible. Later, after she had gone upstairs, I thought about what she had said. After a while, I decided she had been right. Because of my behavior, I was causing those I love to be angry, frustrated and scared. They did not know what was happening to me, but they knew my condition was going downhill fast. So, I decided to do what I tell everyone else to do when there is a problem, change yourself. The only way you can change your world is by changing yourself. Now I use my walker all the time. I do not lift boxes or carry laundry. I do not do anything that might cause me to cause a problem for everyone else. Now people are sleeping better, and people are nicer, because I am going along with the program. Now they can relax because they do not have to worry about what I am doing. Sometimes when a new reality sets in, you have to acclimate yourself to the changes. I am doing the best that I can, and until I have the 4 MRIs on Monday and see the neurologist in three weeks, I will not take chances. I will do what I have to do. I am the problem? I guess I was, but not anymore. Now I am thinking of how my behaviors can change the behaviors of others. By changing myself they will be able to live their lives without extra stress. I knew for a long time, I can only change myself, but it took an object lesson to have me recognize my new reality. Object lessons really work. I would not ask anyone to do anything I would not do myself. We are back on track, and now there are 5 people in our home who are getting a good night sleep. Happiness is a team effort. Be good, and be happy. I will be here if you want to come back.

Granny-o