(Deep breath)

November 19, 2021

(Deep breath). Sometimes a deep breath can mean slowly exhaling a sigh, aaah. A sigh can be a moment of total contentment. A moment of bliss. A moment of amazement of how wonderful everything is. A sigh can be quiet appreciation for everything you have and the gratitude because you have it. Your heart is telling you everything is going along perfectly. You listen to your heart and you are on board. You are in the zone. Aaah. (breathe). You know the feeling. For me it is another wow moment. (Deep breath). I am having one of those moments right now. I am feeling overwhelmed with joy. (Deep breath) It is 8:30 AM, and I am feeling the magnificence of being alive. The feeling just came over me before I had a bowl of cold cereal with half of a banana. The cereal and the banana are gone now, but the feeling of incredible joy is still with me. (Deep breath). My cartoon eyes are wide open, and I can feel my cheeks pulling the corners of my mouth up. Wow, what a wonderful day I am going to have. What a wonderful moment I am already having right this minute. (Deep breath). I remember when I was first married to my husband. He was 27 and I was 25. It was the beginning of happily ever after for both of us. Or so I thought. I was so happy, but my husband could not stand my being happy. What? What happened? The truth was before we fell in love, he was not a happy man. He was used to being sad. Before I met him, I was happy. I was happier after we met…much happier, but I was happy before we met. My husband did not know how to do happy, so my joy got on his nerves. Where could that have come from? Who could have known that was going to happen? I knew he had not been happy, but telling me I couldn’t be happy was a new revelation. So for months into our marriage I cried. I would go into a closet with the door closed and just cry. I cried, I cried, and I cried. I did not smile any more. I guessed the honeymoon was over. I did not remember how to do sad, and to be frankly honest I did not want to be sad. Was this what I agreed to when I said my vows for better or for worse? Did I agree to give up my happiness? I wanted my happiness back. So we talked. We cried. We had sex. Slowly my husband’s walls of protection crumbled and he started on his own road to happiness. Our marriage lasted, our love grew, and we both lived happily ever after. We did so until he died in April, just short of our 48th anniversary. I am now 73 years old. I love being happy, and I love being old. I am not willing to give up my happiness again. I did it once, and I am not going to do it again. My husband learned to be happy. I can help you find your happiness, or help you get it back. Do not ask me to give mine up. Misery and sadness are temporary responses to circumstances. Happiness, true happiness, is a heart thing. True happiness is not touched by happenings in the world or in your life. Even when you think you couldn’t possibly be happy. Think again. You can be. (Deep breath)

Granny-o